After reading the whole paper in front of you, return to the first paragraph. Is this paragraph effective in either: A. pulling the reading into the topic further; or, B. informing the reader about the general topic of paper? If so, how? If not, make suggestions to the reader about how one of these could be accomplished.
I did not find it interesting. I think it is confusing and hard to read. It is also hard to understand and follow. It would help if the thesis was stated more clearly and if better word choices were made.
